16-year-old faces pushback calling out grandma for favoring uncle over dad at family barbecue: 'She regretted not having a daughter as her second child'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 10, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Favoritism is a common phenomenon amongst parents, and it can often cause lifelong issues for the child who is on the less appealing end of it. More often than not, these obvious and hurtful preferences between children do not disappear when they grow up, and it often leads to strained parent-child relationships.

It is no surprise that playing favorites with kids is often a reason behind adult children going no contact with their parents, but this isn't always what happens. Indeed, despite this or many other reasons why they may not get along with those who raised them, many adults continue a relationship simply for the sake of their own children. 

This can sometimes prove to be a bad idea, especially when grandkids are old enough to suss out family dynamics and form opinions of their own. It gives even more opportunity for tensions to arise between relatives. Often, it's only a matter of time.

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  • 01

    AITA for clashing with my Nan and letting her know what I think about her bad parenting?

    I (16F) live with my Dad (34M) who has had sole custody of me since I was 2 after my birth mother walked out on the both of us. That's not too relevant to the story but I want to give a slight backstory for us both. Over the weekend we both attended a family bbq and my Nan (Dad's Mum) was there. He's in LC with her just to keep peace with the family and they only really have a brief talk at these family bbqs. During the bbq she started about how my Dad is still unwilling to move on and forget ab
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One teenager felt like she had had enough when she confronted her grandmother about her lifelong favoritism between her sons, which had favored her uncle and been a bad time for her dad. At a family barbecue, the grandma began disparaging her least favorite son for not being able to put the past behind him.

    In response, the 16-year-old called her out for her poor parenting. It shocked her grandmother, and she demanded that she apologize. Her father let her know that he appreciated that she cared, but didn't want her interfering with adult matters. She wanted to know if she had gone too far.

  • 03
    For some much needed information. My Dad is the youngest of her 2 sons, and she has openly given preference to his older brother their entire lives. She regretted not having a daughter as her 2nd child, and she took this out on my Dad whilst he was growing up. This made him have mental health troubles and anxiety. Something that he tried to keep me shielded from but came to light a few months ago. I tried keeping my mouth shut during her entire episode. But in the end I let slip what I was think
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  • 04
    After that outburst my Dad and I left the family BBQ and returned home. We spoke when we got home. And while my Dad isn't happy that I involved myself in adult matters and his personnel issues with his Mum, he does appreciate knowing that I care about him. After that we spent the remaining day just catching up on some anime together. And she has been messaging my Dad demanding that I apologise. But so far he has ignored her and told me to not worry about it and that he'll handle it. I apologised
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders had a lot of understanding for her outburst.

    This-Bodybuilder9629 NTA-SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE. Your Nan is the BIGGEST AH. It ain't her life so why tf does she want to have a say in whatever your dad does?? Dad doing a slay job in not expecting or wanting you to apologise to her. Sounds like your dad is breaking the cycle of family sh and trauma by trying to raise you better.
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  • 07
    Chloet5759 NTA - For your GM to trash talk your dad in front of you shows how she never did nor never will take any responciblilty for being a cr p mother to him. Sometimes. ab ive people need to be called out on their behaviour. I bet that meant the world to your dad knowing you had his back!! Bravo!
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  • 08
    Fair-Performance-978 NTA - since your dad isn't upset about this then you did nothing wrong.
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  • 09
    LayaElisabeth Some sh advice here, but if you want to take it one further, text your nan; "If you got something to say, don't be a coward and take it up with me.. You still going afyer dad just proves what a person/poor excuse of a mother you are." NTA, And i can only HOPE my daughters will defend their loved ones like you when they're older.
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  • 10
    phtcmp NTA: Good for you for standing up for him. Maybe that will empower him to start don't do for himself. Is there any real reason to not go full NC with her? Now would be an ideal time. Talk to him about it. He may have been remaining civil thinking it would be in your best interest for him ti maintain ties.
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    Lazy_Scale2633 OP He maintained a level of LC just so that I could maintain relationships with my cousins. But as we're all growing older and more independent now, we don't need these family gatherings to keep in touch. So I am thinking of convincing my Dad that it's okay for him to go NC with her now.
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  • 12
    Several_Air_3014 NTA, especially since your dad's not objecting to it. He's likely only LC instead of NC because everyone treated him like the AH when he wanted to cut things off. Good for you for calling out her manipulative behavior, as she was 100% using the family gathering as an excuse to drum up support for her "victimhood".
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  • 13
    The TallestGuyy NTA. Honestly, it sounds like your Nan has had this coming for a long time, and you just said what everyone else probably thinks but never had the guts to voice. You weren't disrespectful for the sake of drama. You were defending someone you love from someone who's done real harm. That's not being an AH, that's being loyal.
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  • 14
    Impossible_Smile4113 Aw, dysfunctional families, us up from birth on up. Glad your dad has you ready to throw on your boxing gloves.
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  • 15
    Aromatic-Tap-9925 NTA sometimes we have to defend those we love and you were defending your dad.
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  • 16
    Watching Telly Now This is where the non-apology has its place. "I'm sorry you were upset by what I said." This is probably the gentlest, and is actually very different from "I'm sorry for what I said", which is what she's after. "I'm sorry you don't like hearing the truth." "I'm sorry you show such massive favouritism with your sons." I'm sure you could think of lots of others.
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  • 17
    No-You5550 NTA because if adults want kids to stay out of adult matters they do not talk about those matters around the kid. Nan had no right to put your dad down around you.
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  • 18
    Fabulous Trick8859 It's lovely that you've got your dad's back. Your nan sounds... a lot. I get the standing up to her. The annoying thing is, that when to do that as a young person, even though you can be stating facts, you get seen as being in the wrong. Like there's some social norm that you're supposed to just take the sh because you're still seen as a child. If you want a relationship with your nan, then you might have to apologise (look at ways to word it so that you're not actually) but o
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  • 19
    k23_k23 NTA It needed to be said. You were great. Still, not easy for your dad.
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  • 20
    Glum Designer_4754 NTA. Why would anyone want to sit around a BBQ and listen to meemaw b pulling the ripcord anyway?! Kudos to you for
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  • 21
    NTA. ImAMorty777 Crop behavior has consequences. She obviously has untreated mental issues and refuses to fix them. Your dad is right to continue LC. You are right to defend your dad.
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  • 22
    CaptH3inzB3anz NTA. You got your Dads back! Good for you! Why should you have to listen to your Gran talk badly of your Dad in front of you, thst is a really thing to do. Christmas day many years ago, I had my parents and my brother and his family over for Christmas dinner, whilst we were all eating my Mum was having a go at my Dad because he had been sleeping on the sofa because he was having trouble sleeping in bed, she would not let go of the matter. I finally snapped and told her to shut up
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  • 23
    enithermon You're involving yourself in adult issues because you're becoming an adult. You're 16. It's natural to start getting the facts, coming to your own conclusions, and deciding where you are going to draw your boundary lines. You're still working on delivery and chosing your words and approach, but no one is going to fault you for your sentiment.
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  • 24
    Historicallnaccurate NTA - Time for you and dad to cut all contact with her since nothing good comes from her. Way to go calling out her BS, especially in a public forum. I doubt she will recognize her terrible behavior, but hopefully others saw you accurately call her out and maybe actually start calling her out too.
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  • 25
    Deep-Okra1461 NTA There was always going to come a time when you were old enough that you would feel confident enough to call out bulls when you see it. Those around you should have been expecting a moment like that to happen sooner or later. I bet what shocked your grandmother is that ANYONE dared to speak to her that way. From your story I get the feeling that no one in the family has ever put her in her place. Now she knows it's not going to be like that anymore.
    via Deep-Okra1461

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family drama aita brother grandma granddaughter favoritism dad argument family reddit thread Reddit bbq
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